Ah, the good old days. The groom’s only job used to be the proposal – then the bride’s family would plan the wedding, the groom’s family would sort out the honeymoon, and Bob’s your uncle as they say. A great groom was one who didn’t interfere. Today, it’s the opposite – a great groom is actually interested in the big day. So what can he do to be the best hubby-to-be in the whole wide world? Here are the essentials – read up, guys.
Don’t agitate the bride. Chances are she’s feeling overwhelmed, but may not want to admit it because, you know, future wife and all that. Be her rock, not another thing she has to worry about.
Subdue the best man. If you had any idea how much she worries about the best man’s behaviour or speech, you’d be surprised. This is true for the majority of brides. If the best man mentions anything about embarrassing you in his speech, getting blind drunk, or trying to get all the bridesmaids’ numbers, you should remind him a wedding isn’t an occasion for the best man to make an idiot of himself. It shouldn’t be hard – he’s the groom’s best friend, after all.
Don’t make flippant remarks about wedding dresses. True story – a fiance of a bride we know saw a 50s-style dress on TV, and said ‘that’s so ugly. I don’t know how anyone could wear that!’ As fate would have it, that’s exactly the style she chose for her dress. First she cried, then she panicked, then she decided to gently broach the subject to find out what he was thinking when he made that comment. Turns out, he wasn’t thinking. He just blurted it out and didn’t even know why, as he had no interest in fashion. Don’t be that guy. We guarantee your girl will look stunning on the day.
Image from Caroline & Joe’s real wedding by Claire Morgan Photography
Start paying attention to your looks. Believe it or not, it’s totally normal for you to take your grooming to the next level. At around 3 months before the big day, book an appointment at a one of those posh gentlemen’s’ barbers. Discuss any skin issues (like red rash after a shave – not a good groom look!), get one of those luxurious face treatments, a manicure and the best haircut of your life. Ask how often you should repeat this in the weeks leading up to the wedding. On the day itself, look magazine-ready – she’ll love it. Trust us – it’s one of the best things you’ll ever do.
If you feel you’re being asked to do too much, say so. Tulips or roses, tealights or candelabras, rhinestones or pearls… we’re guessing none of these are your forte, really. Speak up. It’s better to admit you have no opinion than to say anything just for the sake of it.
If you feel left out, say so. It’s not nice being a mere accessory at your own wedding – after all, this day wouldn’t be happening without the groom. Tell the bride specifically which parts of the planning you’re interested in and make a splendid contribution.
Be ready with hugs and nods. Thousands of books have been written on how men always give answers, while the women just need to vent. Be ready to give her support when she needs it, and if you have a brilliant answer to whatever conundrum she shares with you, ask ‘do you want my advice?’
Image from Mary & David’s real wedding by Melanie Hold
Stand by her side when there’s too much interference. Your bride-to-be has been inundated with unwanted suggestions from the day you put that ring on her finger (it’s funny, it rarely ever happens to guys). Sometimes, she’ll find it hard to say no. Your answer should always be ‘we’ll decide together’, not ‘do what you think is best, honey’. The first tells everyone you’re a united front… while the second could make her feel like she has to make all the decisions by her lonesome self.
Make sure she takes breaks. Between the mums, the bridesmaids, the friends and the aunts, it’s really easy for the bride to get stuck in the world of planning and never come up for air. Be adamant about having wedding-free days, and make sure you continue doing your favourite things you always did as a couple, before you got engaged.
Have an opinion about your attire. First, you should know by now what your favourite suit style is, or what looks best on you. Don’t let the bride put you in just anything – you’re not five years old and she’s not your mum! On your wedding day, you should feel like a million bucks – wearing the most amazing suit of your life, superb shoes and stylish accessories. All eyes will be on BOTH of you – so make your fashion preferences known before she books that appointment for you and the groomsmen.
Image from Jordanna & Kevin’s real wedding by Art Wedding Photography
Discuss honeymoon and registry. If marriage is essentially about 50-50, then you need to share your thoughts on these two things. The honeymoon should be unforgettable for both of you, and the registry should meet all your needs as a couple. Make sure to have this talk before the invitations go out.
Be honest about the speech. If you’re racked with nerves at a mere thought of speaking in public, there’s really no need to go through that. You don’t want your wedding to be remembered as ‘an amazing day ruined by the groom’s speech’. It’s best to say nothing at all than say it badly. Let the bride say a few words, or skip it altogether.
Attend important meetings. Your first viewing of the venue, and then signing of the contract. Going to listen to the band. Seeing the travel agent about the honeymoon. Choosing a photographer together. On the other hand, you don’t need to go ribbon-shopping or flower girl outfit buying. The girls will take it from here.
Main image from Melissa & Gerard’s real wedding by Elaine Kennedy Photography
